| Taking the War Out of Our Words | |
| Table
of Contents |
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| List of Charts |
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| Acknowledgments |
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| Introduction: It’s Just Human Nature—or
Is It? |
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| Part I: The War Model: A Traditional
System for Communicating |
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| 1 | Defensiveness: The Only Self-protection We Know Defensive Barriers in War and Conversation • De-Facing the Enemy • Hiding Information • The Making of a Power Struggle • Like Flies in a Jar • Basic Categories of Defense • Defensive Modes as Personality Types |
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| 2 | Surrender Surrender–Betray: Co-Dependent Personality Type • Surrender–Sabotage: Passive-Aggressive Personality Type |
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| 3 | Withdrawal Withdraw–Escape: Passive Personality Type • Withdraw–Entrap: Vindictive Personality Type |
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| 4 | Counterattack Counterattack–Justify: Defensive Personality Type • Counterattack–Blame: Aggressive Personality Type |
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| 5 | Common Misuses of Our Basic Communication Tools Questions: Villains in Disguise • Statements: Lords of Truth • Predictions: Foretellers of Doom • The Current “Real World” |
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Part
II: The Non-Defensive Model: Tools Instead of Weapons |
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| Introduction to Part II: A New Real World |
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| 6 | The Question: Curiosity Didn’t Kill the
Cat—It Won the Peace Prize Nature: Curious and Innocent • Function: Gathering Up Information • Effect: Disarming—and More • Taking Quantum Leaps |
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| 7 | Formats for Asking Non-Defensive Questions The Blueprint Hidden in the Words • Content Questions: Getting the Story Straight • Process Questions: Looking Behind the Scenes |
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| 8 | The Statement: Vulnerability and Power Join
Hands Nature: Open and Direct • Function: Laying It All Out on the Table • Effect: Courage, Freedom—and More |
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| 9 | Formats for Making Non-Defensive Statements Interpreting the Overt Message • Interpreting the Covert Message • Interpreting Cause or Motive • Expressing Our Reactions with Integrity and Passion • Using the Statement Formats Together • The Feedback Loop |
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| 10 | The Prediction: A New Prescription for Security Nature: Protective and Firm • Function: Creating Security through Predictability • Effect: Respect, Reciprocity—and More |
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| 11 | Formats for Making Non-Defensive Predictions Limit-Setting: My Consequences • Challenge–Choice: Life’s Consequences |
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| 12 | The Non-Defensive Mind and Heart Set Preparing to Be Non-Defensive • Selecting Practice Methods • Accepting Imperfection • Communication as a Transfer of Energy |
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| 13 | The Practice of Becoming Non-Defensive Short Versions of the Non-Defensive Process • The Non-Defensive Process in the Context of Various Types of Relationships • A World of Opportunities |
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| Conclusion: Peace and Power |
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| Index of Examples |
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| Index of Topics |
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